HAHAHAHAHA. This is fantastic.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
My Trip to the Barber Shop
A typical Saturday for The Sports Couple is similar those of most other couples- we spend our time running errands and taking care of business that is tough to do during the week. Since my golden locks (ha) were getting a little bit out of control, and we have a wedding tomorrow, I knew it was time for a haircut. A trip to the Barber Shop is generally viewed as an enjoyable experience. Note, I will not go to the salon, or some stylist, but the barber shop. Today, was quite the experience for several reasons. Enjoy my adventure below.
1.
My normal barber shop is George's in Park Slope, who do a hell of
a job. But today the weather sucked, so Sarah and I didn't feel like
walking the 3 miles round trip. We walked to the place that is closest,
which I have never been to before. I was shocked as we walked up and it
was closed. What kind of business, dependent upon people
needing a chunk of time, isn't open on a Saturday at 11am? This place may
in fact be a front for the Russian mob. On second thought, good thing it
was closed.
2.
My next stop was a place that I have been to before in a pinch and
usually does a decent job. This is where the real fun begins. I
walked in with Sarah and grabbed a seat, taking my turn in line. This is
normal. All the chairs were full, and it didn't look like anyone's hair
was being destroyed, so I felt good.
3.
Then a guy walked in with a throw back Jets hat. This is
normally a good thing, a fellow Jets fan, barber shop remaining busy and so
forth. For several reasons this was not. First of all, this middle
aged white man DID NOT BEND THE BRIM OF HIS HAT. I typed that in all caps
for a reason. What the hell? Did he miss a memo? The 90's?
Was he conducting an EddieMurphy SNLesque skit? This
really bothered me. Not only did I want to rip the hat off his head and
fix it for him, it made me sick to be a Jets fan. We don't need douches
like this poisoning our team karma. Making matters worse, after sitting
for about 5 minutes and tinkering with my phone, he approached me. He started
off by saying "Hey, buddy, I was in here before you and ran out to talk to
my girlfriend while she was looking for parking." I responded by
giving him a death stare, the kind you develop over seven years of teaching and
time in the military. He continued, "You can ask these guys. I
am in line before you." I responded by pretty much blowing the guy
off, probably because I was thinking several things such as, you don't have
girlfriend and if you do she is trying to park her rascal because she is
pushing 3 bills (300lbs) and I wish there were ropes on both sides of the
barber shop because I am ready to give you the people's elbow. I let said douchbag
go before me to avoid a possible arrest on my behalf.
4.
Luckily, it did not have to wait much longer for a barber to
become available. I eagerly took my seat, only to hear one of the most
idiotic questions of my existence. The barber asked me "Haircut
time"? What? This is not where I order a latte from Starbucks?
You mean to tell me I waited all this time and you’re not going to take
my dry cleaning? Really? This is what the world is coming to?
5.
Continuing on, the barber asked me what kind of haircut I wanted.
I quickly fired off, "a 2 to 3 fade, trim the top". I was
able share this so quickly, because I have been getting the same haircut for
eight years. After he began, he asked me if it was the right length.
Another unnecessary question. Again, I have been getting the same
haircut for eight years! As a matter of fact, very few grown men I know ever
change their haircuts. This is one of a man's
major responsibilities in life. Once you get a job, you
are pretty much locked in unless you need to shave your head because of
chemotherapy or the onset of baldness. A barber should be aware of
this. Making matters worse, he had halitosis. C'mon.
Halitosis. You are a barber, you work in close proximity to your clients,
do you want them to have to cover their nose while you are trying to work?
Gargle with some Clubman, or
something.
6.
One of the things that has changed during my lifetime is that in
barber shops they now have LCD televisions for your entertainment while you get
your haircut. Back in the day, you would have to talk to the barber,
which required him to have small talk skills. If you've read what I have
written, you know my barber was deficient in this category. However,
I was happy to be able to zone out to some crappy TV- I was hoping to see a Steven
Seagal movie in
which he either runs awkwardly or breaks some bad guys arm into 300 pieces
after some cheesy threatening line. The other option, Sarah and I being
the Sports Couple and all, would be some NCAA basketball. However, I get
stuck with European soccer. Let me admit, that as a youth I played
soccer. My sister played in college. My other sister has been to
the national team camp, and aspires to make the roster. Yet, what the
hell is this? The only American's who like to watch soccer are recent
immigrants who have strong connections to their teams. This may be the
case with my barber today. However, isn't the TV supposed to service the
customer? Shouldn't he hand me a remote, and ask what I'd like to watch?
Shouldn't ESPN be on the television? Or at least NBC Sports?
Shouldn't he have the bank of Seagal and Van Dam movies ready to watch?
What has happened to customer service in this country? I should
open up a barber shop consulting business and set these fools straight.
7.
Finally, the end result of this barber shop visit was a positive.
The barber, despite his terrible haircut, did a solid job. On a
side note, how the hell does a barber get a bad haircut? Does he try to
do it himself? Does he have an inferior colleague who messes it up?
Anyway, I pay my $14 for the haircut and tell the guy to keep the change.
A decent tip. He reacted liked he was shocked. Are people in
Brooklyn so cheap? You can't hook a guy who has sharp scissors and a
razor blade against your head with a couple of bucks? This is not cool.
And it isn't like most of the people in the neighborhood are struggling
economically, and can't afford a five dollar tip.
All in all, my trip to the barber shop was pretty eventful. I hope you have a better experience then I did when I went to get my haircut today. Let me know what you think.
Peyton Mannning Should Host SNL Again
In honor of the March 8th deadline, I will flood this blog with great Manning footage. Don't worry non sports fans, most of them will be commercials.
Watch this though - hilarious.
Letters of Anger - Part 1
We are angry people when we go into the public. People suck.
When people suck – we write letters.
Dear Mommy 'female dog' on Bergen Street,
Yeah you created the miracle of life. You popped some humans
out of your lower half. That is wonderful. But you are still a 'female dog' because
you are taking up the sidewalk with your minions and stroller. Move.
Love,
Sarah and Mike
PS birth control
Dear Rude People at the Downtown Brooklyn Macy’s,
I would take you over obnoxious, self-entitled wealthy people anyday.
Love,
Sarah and Mike
Dear Token Loud Lady at Restaurants,
You are not cute. Put a bag over your head and shut up.
Love,
Sarah and Mike
Dear Guy at Rite-Aid chewing gum obnoxiously,
Stop chomping the gum. If you don’t – we will stick a
snickers bar up your butt and all the cash in the drawer down your throat.
Love,
Sarah and Mike
Dear Awful Lady at the Long Island J.Crew,
We are sorry that your worthless undergraduate degree did
not pan out. But you are not better than us. You work at a J.Crew. A J. Crew.
This is not high-end crap you are peddling.
Love,
Sarah and Mike
Dear Helpful Lady at Macys,
Miracles do happen. You told me exactly where I should go.
You now join Tim Tebow in god-like-ranks.
Love,
Sarah and Mike
Dear Crazy Pants Lady at the Bar (who sometimes wears a
leather vest),
Did you wash your hands with beer? Then proceed to dance to
a bad 80s song? Yeah, you should not be around children. You are scary. You
make people bow their heads in shame or double the size of their eyes.
Love,
Sarah and Mike
Dear Speech Lady,
Yeah, sometimes people at Indiana University wear the same
color at basketball games. Sometimes.
Love,
Sarah and Mike
Dear Guy that Works at the Nut Box,
Do you ever fear that people think you are in the porn
industry when you tell them that you work at the nut box, which is located
across the street from the meat market?
Love,
Sarah and Mike
Dick's Sporting Goods Nails its Latest Advertisement
This Morning, while the sports couple were drinking coffee and watching continuous loops of Sportscenter, we saw one of the most compelling commercials we have viewed in a substantial chunk of time, this one for Dick's Sporting Goods. The link isn't available, but check out this story for more information. I wouldn't recommend searching for Rudy and "Dick's" in your search engine. Youtube will give you give you a scare or penis envy.
Apparently this commercial signifies a new advertising campaign for Dick's Sporting Goods, and there are a few reasons that we think it is superior in the advertising realm. First of all, it starts with the music from Rudy, one the greatest feel-good sports movies of all time. It motivates the underdog in all of us (Mike actually watches it on a weekly basis and demands that neighbors put him on their shoulders). This classic piece of cinema hits home for Irish Catholics who all want Notre Dame football to be relevant again. We yearn for the day that we can wear hats with shamrocks with pride again. Secondly, the commercial focuses on local sports, such as high schools and over-aged men's club teams. Once again, this touches on the reality of our situation. I think most people really don't give a damn that Peyton Manning wears zigs when he trains, we care more about shoes that are comfortable and allow us to run around like we had skills or something. The last note of the commercial touches on these hard working athletes reaching a measure of success, in large part due to the wide variety of equipment available at Dick's. Nice way to bring it all together.
Clearly, this commercial was geared to touch an emotional chord in all of us and ultimately encourage us to go out and play sports or tinker with balls from Dick's. Mike almost got his fat ass off the couch, but it is Saturday morning - it t'ain't going to happen. We are sure Dick's will deeply penetrate into new markets throughout the nation. As a matter of fact, we are sure Dick's will be popping up everywhere, even right here in Brooklyn!
Apparently this commercial signifies a new advertising campaign for Dick's Sporting Goods, and there are a few reasons that we think it is superior in the advertising realm. First of all, it starts with the music from Rudy, one the greatest feel-good sports movies of all time. It motivates the underdog in all of us (Mike actually watches it on a weekly basis and demands that neighbors put him on their shoulders). This classic piece of cinema hits home for Irish Catholics who all want Notre Dame football to be relevant again. We yearn for the day that we can wear hats with shamrocks with pride again. Secondly, the commercial focuses on local sports, such as high schools and over-aged men's club teams. Once again, this touches on the reality of our situation. I think most people really don't give a damn that Peyton Manning wears zigs when he trains, we care more about shoes that are comfortable and allow us to run around like we had skills or something. The last note of the commercial touches on these hard working athletes reaching a measure of success, in large part due to the wide variety of equipment available at Dick's. Nice way to bring it all together.
Clearly, this commercial was geared to touch an emotional chord in all of us and ultimately encourage us to go out and play sports or tinker with balls from Dick's. Mike almost got his fat ass off the couch, but it is Saturday morning - it t'ain't going to happen. We are sure Dick's will deeply penetrate into new markets throughout the nation. As a matter of fact, we are sure Dick's will be popping up everywhere, even right here in Brooklyn!
Bathroom Etiquette [Just for Men]
Many of you seemed to enjoy Sarah's post about bathroom etiquette so I decided to write the Just for Men version, in honor of Walt "Clyde" Frazier and Kieth Hernandez-- two paragons of society who would probably call you, and I do mean you, out on these bathroom behaviors.
Scenario One: The Powerlifter
This describes the person who enters the stall and begins grunting like he is trying to through up 350 on the bench press and needs a spot. Is it necessary for you to grunt like your passing a kidney stone? If you are passing a kidney stone, take a day off and do it from home for god's sake. The powerlifter has the effect of making everyone in the bathroom, as well as those within ear shot, of being incredibly uncomfortable and not knowing how to react. Some of us try to hide our laughter, some are disgusted, but all just want to forget or trash the powerlifter.
Suggestions to discourage the Powerlifter: Share this blog post with them or buy an Everlast weight lifting belt and present them with a gift in the bathroom for a more direct approach.
Scenario Two: The Sprinkler
One of the most underrated inventions of all time is the urinal. It allows men to quickly use the bathroom to urinate, is aptly named, and always clean. Better yet, it is nearly impossible to miss a urinal unless you try to piss across the room-- I have not done this, for the record. Regrettably, some men seem to have a fear of the urinal for some reason. This causes them to enter the stall area, where accuracy issues result in a seat covered in piss-- devastating for those who need to take a dump. This public menace must be put down. How hard is it to not piss all over the seat? I wish I had the vocabulary and rhyming skills of Walt Frazier so I could properly embarrass this individual- the best I can come up with is "pissing and missing". If you have better suggestions please share.
Suggestions to discourage the Sprinkler: This is all about the level of tact you wish to use- If you are a brash person you can strike up a conversation and state that you had to hover when you crapped because some asshole pissed all over the seat. If you are less brash, you can mention that the toilet is a mess, and you wish people would be more considerate. If you want to be passive aggressive place a target on the toilet seat.
Scenario Three: The Chatterbox
In the bathroom, pleasantries are polite. At the urinal,limited conversation may be uncomfortable, but understandable, even if you should have the 1,000 yard stare into the tiles on the wall working. On a separate note, why don't they hang interesting pictures above urinals- imagine discussing a Picasso after taking a piss. It would be a boon to the arts! However, I do not like to talk if I am in a stall. I do not like to even acknowledge the existence of other human beings while I am in the stall. Do not talk to me. When that door closes, imagine me going to my happy place like Happy Gilmore when he was putting. Don't try to strike up a conversation. I won't think you are rude. For those of you who like to talk, I suggest you shut the fuck up. No one wants to have their rituals and routines disrupted.
Suggestions to discourage the Chatterbox: Again, this is all about your comfort level. You can be passive aggressive and just not respond, but this is not a very effective tactic. I would recommend one of two strategies to turn off another individual from yapping away. The first is to keep on repeating "what was that?" "I didn't catch that", with the hope that eventually the chatterbox begins shouting and shames himself into shutting up. The second technique is more proactive, and it involves saying things like, "damn, that corn from last night isn't agreeing with me", or "call Mr. Softy, I have a new flavor". This will make even the most talkative crapper to reconsider.
Scenario Four: Mutually Assured Destruction
Cold War terminology is probably appropriate for the individual who goes nuclear in the bathroom on a daily basis. This expert bomber has completed countless missions, and ruined many a toilet seat. For the average person, there is little to be done when this man just sits on the toilet and craps for 10 consecutive minutes. When you gotta go, I guess you gotta go. My issues with this person are two fold. First- develop a better schedule, for example if your lactose intolerant, maybe it isn't a good idea to have a bowl of cereal with milk and 2 grande latte's before work. Leave that for home. Secondly, how about showing a some consideration and giving a courtousy flush. No one wants the toilet to look like a sewer and feel that a plumber needs to be found post haste. Take the extra 2.5 seconds to flush it down again, for humanity's sake.
Suggestions to discourage MAD: Again, we are pretty much helpless here. The best solution is to find out the time table for this person, and be sure to get in and out of the bathroom like a Navy Seal before the area is carpet bombed.
Scenario Five: The Librarian
The Librarian is the bathroom reader. At home, go for it. Install book cases in your favorite bathroom. Hell, put a television in there for all I care. However, in public, don't be the one. No one likes to see a newspaper covered in poo particles laying on the floor, or sitting on a ledge. The best are the ones who take the librarian role seriously, and hang the paper from the handrail thing on the stall (for those of you outside the NYC area, all bathrooms are required to have a handicapped handrail built after 2005) like you were actually in the library! Yikes. Not only does this have the effect of nastiness, but it gives you the mental picture of someone taking a massive dump just before you arrived. Not what you want to be thinking about when your just trying to get in and out.
Suggestions for dealing with the Librarian: Again, this is a difficult situation to prevent. If there is a copy of the New York Post, use it to whip your ass because that is the real reason it is published. Otherwise, I would recommend purchasing a biohazard suit to deal with the paper that is left on the floor and covered in crap and piss.
Scenario Six: The Techno Crapper
Technology can be a wonderful thing. The information age has allowed us to share our ideas, increase our productivity, and stay in contact with loved ones. Touch screen devices, like our advanced cell phones, are all the rage making it easier then ever to use these modern wonders. However, we must examine the bounds of this world. Should it enter the bathroom? No. Especially not when you are in a stall. No one wants to overhear your argument with your significant other casting blame on them for under cooking the chicken causing your current predicament. Stay off the phone! I also ask the question, do you wash your hands after crapping? I hope so! Do you wash your phone? Thought not! Yuck. That touches your face. And your crappy hands. Awesome.
Suggestions for dealing with the Techno Crapper: The best tactic to stop the techno crappers reign of terror is to begin flushing the toilet like a mad man. Hopefully, the person on the other end of the phone will be disgusted, and hang up leaving the techno crapper no one to talk to. As an added bonus you may provide additional ammunition for the fight on the phone, helping to deliver victory for the techno crapper's significant other!
Scenario Seven: The Powerboater
This is the toilet terror who does not powerlift, but makes you feel like you stopped by the Marina with the sounds emanating from their rear. Being in the bathroom at the same time as the flagellant friend makes you wish you had at least brought ear plugs, and perhaps a gas mask as well. The worst part of this experience is the "ahhhh" sound, or the "ohh God" after the powerboater has completed their dastardly deed.
Suggestions for dealing with the Powerboater: There isn't much you can do here. Go to your happy place. I like to imagine the strolling down the 18th of Augusta with a 7 shot lead. The smell of the magnolia's helps. Just be grateful you don't carpool with the powerboater because just like an earthquake, there are bound to be aftershocks.
Final thoughts: The best way to avoid any and all of these situations is to purchase some Imodium AD and make sure you get home before having to use the bathroom. Unfortunately, most of us don't have that option. In all honesty, if you do any of these things STOP IMMEDIATELY. Don't be the one!
Scenario One: The Powerlifter
This describes the person who enters the stall and begins grunting like he is trying to through up 350 on the bench press and needs a spot. Is it necessary for you to grunt like your passing a kidney stone? If you are passing a kidney stone, take a day off and do it from home for god's sake. The powerlifter has the effect of making everyone in the bathroom, as well as those within ear shot, of being incredibly uncomfortable and not knowing how to react. Some of us try to hide our laughter, some are disgusted, but all just want to forget or trash the powerlifter.
Suggestions to discourage the Powerlifter: Share this blog post with them or buy an Everlast weight lifting belt and present them with a gift in the bathroom for a more direct approach.
Scenario Two: The Sprinkler
One of the most underrated inventions of all time is the urinal. It allows men to quickly use the bathroom to urinate, is aptly named, and always clean. Better yet, it is nearly impossible to miss a urinal unless you try to piss across the room-- I have not done this, for the record. Regrettably, some men seem to have a fear of the urinal for some reason. This causes them to enter the stall area, where accuracy issues result in a seat covered in piss-- devastating for those who need to take a dump. This public menace must be put down. How hard is it to not piss all over the seat? I wish I had the vocabulary and rhyming skills of Walt Frazier so I could properly embarrass this individual- the best I can come up with is "pissing and missing". If you have better suggestions please share.
Suggestions to discourage the Sprinkler: This is all about the level of tact you wish to use- If you are a brash person you can strike up a conversation and state that you had to hover when you crapped because some asshole pissed all over the seat. If you are less brash, you can mention that the toilet is a mess, and you wish people would be more considerate. If you want to be passive aggressive place a target on the toilet seat.
Scenario Three: The Chatterbox
In the bathroom, pleasantries are polite. At the urinal,limited conversation may be uncomfortable, but understandable, even if you should have the 1,000 yard stare into the tiles on the wall working. On a separate note, why don't they hang interesting pictures above urinals- imagine discussing a Picasso after taking a piss. It would be a boon to the arts! However, I do not like to talk if I am in a stall. I do not like to even acknowledge the existence of other human beings while I am in the stall. Do not talk to me. When that door closes, imagine me going to my happy place like Happy Gilmore when he was putting. Don't try to strike up a conversation. I won't think you are rude. For those of you who like to talk, I suggest you shut the fuck up. No one wants to have their rituals and routines disrupted.
Suggestions to discourage the Chatterbox: Again, this is all about your comfort level. You can be passive aggressive and just not respond, but this is not a very effective tactic. I would recommend one of two strategies to turn off another individual from yapping away. The first is to keep on repeating "what was that?" "I didn't catch that", with the hope that eventually the chatterbox begins shouting and shames himself into shutting up. The second technique is more proactive, and it involves saying things like, "damn, that corn from last night isn't agreeing with me", or "call Mr. Softy, I have a new flavor". This will make even the most talkative crapper to reconsider.
Scenario Four: Mutually Assured Destruction
Cold War terminology is probably appropriate for the individual who goes nuclear in the bathroom on a daily basis. This expert bomber has completed countless missions, and ruined many a toilet seat. For the average person, there is little to be done when this man just sits on the toilet and craps for 10 consecutive minutes. When you gotta go, I guess you gotta go. My issues with this person are two fold. First- develop a better schedule, for example if your lactose intolerant, maybe it isn't a good idea to have a bowl of cereal with milk and 2 grande latte's before work. Leave that for home. Secondly, how about showing a some consideration and giving a courtousy flush. No one wants the toilet to look like a sewer and feel that a plumber needs to be found post haste. Take the extra 2.5 seconds to flush it down again, for humanity's sake.
Suggestions to discourage MAD: Again, we are pretty much helpless here. The best solution is to find out the time table for this person, and be sure to get in and out of the bathroom like a Navy Seal before the area is carpet bombed.
Scenario Five: The Librarian
The Librarian is the bathroom reader. At home, go for it. Install book cases in your favorite bathroom. Hell, put a television in there for all I care. However, in public, don't be the one. No one likes to see a newspaper covered in poo particles laying on the floor, or sitting on a ledge. The best are the ones who take the librarian role seriously, and hang the paper from the handrail thing on the stall (for those of you outside the NYC area, all bathrooms are required to have a handicapped handrail built after 2005) like you were actually in the library! Yikes. Not only does this have the effect of nastiness, but it gives you the mental picture of someone taking a massive dump just before you arrived. Not what you want to be thinking about when your just trying to get in and out.
Suggestions for dealing with the Librarian: Again, this is a difficult situation to prevent. If there is a copy of the New York Post, use it to whip your ass because that is the real reason it is published. Otherwise, I would recommend purchasing a biohazard suit to deal with the paper that is left on the floor and covered in crap and piss.
Scenario Six: The Techno Crapper
Technology can be a wonderful thing. The information age has allowed us to share our ideas, increase our productivity, and stay in contact with loved ones. Touch screen devices, like our advanced cell phones, are all the rage making it easier then ever to use these modern wonders. However, we must examine the bounds of this world. Should it enter the bathroom? No. Especially not when you are in a stall. No one wants to overhear your argument with your significant other casting blame on them for under cooking the chicken causing your current predicament. Stay off the phone! I also ask the question, do you wash your hands after crapping? I hope so! Do you wash your phone? Thought not! Yuck. That touches your face. And your crappy hands. Awesome.
Suggestions for dealing with the Techno Crapper: The best tactic to stop the techno crappers reign of terror is to begin flushing the toilet like a mad man. Hopefully, the person on the other end of the phone will be disgusted, and hang up leaving the techno crapper no one to talk to. As an added bonus you may provide additional ammunition for the fight on the phone, helping to deliver victory for the techno crapper's significant other!
Scenario Seven: The Powerboater
This is the toilet terror who does not powerlift, but makes you feel like you stopped by the Marina with the sounds emanating from their rear. Being in the bathroom at the same time as the flagellant friend makes you wish you had at least brought ear plugs, and perhaps a gas mask as well. The worst part of this experience is the "ahhhh" sound, or the "ohh God" after the powerboater has completed their dastardly deed.
Suggestions for dealing with the Powerboater: There isn't much you can do here. Go to your happy place. I like to imagine the strolling down the 18th of Augusta with a 7 shot lead. The smell of the magnolia's helps. Just be grateful you don't carpool with the powerboater because just like an earthquake, there are bound to be aftershocks.
Final thoughts: The best way to avoid any and all of these situations is to purchase some Imodium AD and make sure you get home before having to use the bathroom. Unfortunately, most of us don't have that option. In all honesty, if you do any of these things STOP IMMEDIATELY. Don't be the one!
Go Away Tornado!
At least 28 killed in Indiana, Kentucky, Ohio as tornadoes sweep Midwest, South
A few days ago I noticed on a social media time-wasting website that it was 68 degrees in Indiana. Naturally I was resentful. Brooklyn has been wintry and dismal lately. As most of you know, I emanate from Indiana. I spent 22 years roaming the cornfields (Kidding – NY-centric idiots think Indiana is just a cornfield…idiots). Given this history, I know the weather like I know Peyton Manning stats.
From roughly November – June, Indiana weather is unpredictable. One day it will be 68 – the next day it will be 30. This change is hard on the sinuses and even more problematic for wardrobe consistency. Thus, when I saw that it was 68 degrees, I asked Mike to look up the temperature for the next few days. Mike promptly noted that there was an imminent 30-degree change on the flat horizon.
Although it was 68 degrees just a few days ago, it is currently 32 right now with chances of snow in the forecast. This is outlandish. When there are drastic weather changes, the chances of a malicious storm increase. Obviously this does not happen all of the time. If it did – Indiana would be riddled with ruinous storms on a systematic basis.
This week there was a calamitous storm. In the southern part of the state, two towns were completely destroyed. People lost their lives, schools, homes, places of work, and infrastructure. Lives were completely hindered if not obliterated. Although these sound like diminutive towns to you and they are only minute in the grand scheme of things – there are years of history and you should show some empathy.
There are several relief websites going up to raise funds for these towns devastated by the tornado. You can go to one of the websites and donate. This act of kindness would be appreciated and I would call you a better person for it. J
Friday, March 2, 2012
REVEALED: The New York Post Inhales Vigorously!
Lately I have been providing links to different blogs for
sports information. This allows me to make snarky comments and offer my
perspective. I am not a reporter. I will never be a reporter. And it is not my
job to report sports stories to you. I will provide the articles and give you
my opinion.
For the most part, I get my sports articles from www.prosportsdaily.com. They also post
links to articles from different sources. Remember telephone in elementary school?
Yeah, this is similar. But this system lacks a screwed up ending.
Anyway, as I was perusing prosportsdaily.com, I noticed that
they had an article about the Knicks and the possibility of Baron Davis taking
over Jeremy Lin’s starting job. Naturally, I clicked on the link and gave it a
read. Before I shared it with all of you, I realized that it was from the
devil’s newspaper – ‘The New York Post.’
Recently the New York Post released NYC public school
teacher “grades.” Hands down, this was the most inane headline and article
combo that I have seen in my paper reading history. The front of the “paper”
was absolutely disgusting. It was an all black background with the entire page
covered in this…”REVEALED: TEACHER GRADES.” Ah, yes, because nothing else is
worth reporting? Corporate greed? Corrupt politicians and decision-makers?
Wars? Nothing?
Poverty is pretty high in the United States. Blame teachers.
People are homeless. Blame teachers. Crime is prevalent all over the US. Blame
teachers. This is ridiculous. Blame someone else. We do our best. We work
exceptionally hard. Education is a thankless job and I am sick of being a
scapegoat.
Wait, I am not done. This NY Post garbage is nothing more
than a defamation of the character of most teachers listed. There are so many
variables in the equation when it comes to determining the success of a teacher
or school. Most of these variables are excluded when calculating this mess.
Although parts of my school are not included in these
reports due to alternate assessment, I know a lot of teachers that were
included in the reports. And let me tell you – these people care. I see them
outside of school and I see their passion. I see Mike work three hours a night
at home perfecting a lesson plan. People do not get into teaching for a cushy
job, especially in the NYC public schools. Teachers here care. Teachers here
want to make a difference (pardon the cliché). And I think I can speak on
behalf of everyone I know in this industry – LEAVE US ALONE.
New York Post, I WILL NOT SHARE YOUR ARTICLE. I wish I could
unread it. Oh, how did you “writers” learn to read and write? Teachers.
Manning's Lazer Rocket Arm
Sources say Manning regaining strength in th - 03-02-2012
YES! Who is excited? Sarah is excited.
Yeah, Peyton will not be with the Colts next season, I know this as fact and I have accepted it. I realize that Peyton will set sail and take another team to the Super Bowl. But you know what? I am fine with that. I have accepted it. I have moved on. Now I just want him to find a new team, start working out with new players, and destroy souls next year. I love him.
So are we shocked that Peyton is improving? No, the guy is super human. The neck recovered a while back - he was just waiting on nerve regeneration. His strength in his arms were diminished - but he has been working harder than an ant carrying a piece of a pretzel at a picnic. People with determination like Peyton Manning do not sit for long. They suffer their brief loss, get back on the saddle (Colts reference), and go right back to work.
My prediction: Peyton wins 'Comeback Player of the Year' award next season.
Now do not think for a second that the Peyton news will halt until next Friday (March 8th deadline). Peyton updates will likely shoot out like a machine gun. This report did not even come from his camp.
Remember his constant stream of news during the Super Bowl week? Yeah, it will be worse this week. He is hunting for a new team.
Good for Peyton.
Cut that meat! <--watch for memory sake. You know you miss those commercials. You have had to suffer with Eli Toyota commercials and Brees cold medicine crap.
NFL says Saints created 'bounty' ??????
NFL says Saints created 'bounty' program fro - 03-02-2012
At first I did not understand this whole bounty thing. I figured all defensive players went after QBs for blood and/or injury. What I didn't understand was that people were getting paid $8,000 or so for a hit!
Wow, you know, that would be like paying a teacher $1,000 to rat on a colleague. I enjoy my coworkers, but if my AP (are you reading?) offered me $1,000 for info - I might betray them. Just saying.
Wow, you know, that would be like paying a teacher $1,000 to rat on a colleague. I enjoy my coworkers, but if my AP (are you reading?) offered me $1,000 for info - I might betray them. Just saying.
The almighty dollar is tempting.
Wait, before you judge me - I am not condoning this garbage. Putting a bounty on a QB is ridiculous. A sack is one thing - injury is another. I am just saying excessive money dangling is tempting.
The defense is always getting in trouble... I would take this news over reading about how some WR acted like a desperate housewife of NY, NJ, or Hell. That crap is just downright irritating.
The defense is always getting in trouble... I would take this news over reading about how some WR acted like a desperate housewife of NY, NJ, or Hell. That crap is just downright irritating.
Bathroom Etiquette
Rules to live by when going to a public restroom:
1. If you walk in a bathroom and see feet under the stall but fail to hear noise....RUN! Someone is bombing via the turd tunnel.
2. If you walk into a bathroom and gag, then you need to find a different bathroom. You do not want to be seen walking out of a stinky bathroom. You will be blamed. The scarlet letter is one thing - the shitter stamp is another.
3. If you see dry poop on the stall of a bathroom at work - look suspiciously at coworkers. Then try not to think of someone chiseling it off on the weekend with a gas mask.
4. Be nice to fellow humans. Bring spray if preparing to drop a bomb. People like to smell flowers not shit.
5. If you are creating a tornado from your butt and a hurricane in the toilet, DO NOT TALK TO THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU!
6. Women - dispose of your plugs properly. Do you want to stand in a biological hazard when it floods toilet water?
7. Women - do NOT stand in front of the mirror and check your ass out for 20 minutes. People watch you through the cracks of the stall (me). Those people judge you (me).
8. The cough and fart never works. Do not try to cover up a loud noise. It is impossible to cover up and it is hilarious to others (me).
Peyton Hillis FOUND
Peyton Hillis never mentioned retirement, CI - 03-02-2012
Okay, so maybe Peyton Hillis did not watch too much 'Homeland.'
Okay, so maybe Peyton Hillis did not watch too much 'Homeland.'
Boston and Big Mouths
Boston fans who hate bold Ryan have to embra - 03-01-2012
Yeah, Pats fans (if also Red Sox fans) will not be able to defend Bobby V if they frequently criticize Rex Ryan for his constant chatter. Bobby V is trying too hard.
Coaches are weird.
Yeah, Pats fans (if also Red Sox fans) will not be able to defend Bobby V if they frequently criticize Rex Ryan for his constant chatter. Bobby V is trying too hard.
Coaches are weird.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
The Vikings ship will not sail
Good news from the NFL today, that being that the Minnesota Vikings will stay in the city after reaching an agreement with the powers that be. In another stunning victory for the Colts, their 4th of the season if you add the winning of the Luck sweepstakes to their 2 victories, the stadium will be modeled after Lucas Oil. A nice gift for the Colts. Does this make the Vikings the favorite to land Peyton? Would it become another house he built? Does that make him a bigger star then Babe Ruth? I don't know the answers to any of these questions, but I do know the answer to this one. The cost of this stadium: $975 million dollars- of which the Vikings will contribute $427 million, or about 50.6% {thank you NY Times}. This is nuts. How the hell can a city justify spending this much on a stadium, especially during a recession. I want the Vikings to stay in Minnesota. I really do. They have a great history there, especially of choking in the playoffs. However, all of these stadiums are getting out of control. The University of Minnesota {TCF Bank Stadium} built a stadium in downtown Minneapolis a few years ago. Not only does it create a true home field advantage by not having a roof, but it is nice. These knuckleheads couldn't get together and build a dual use stadium? Really? The $288 million the tax payers spent on TCF wasn't enough? This drives me crazy. Above all else, I'm a guy who thinks we should try to improve the efficiency of our society. Building multiple football stadiums in the same city really doesn't accomplish this dream of mine. It is a waste of everything you can imagine. Making matters worse, the Minnesota Twins had Target Field built for them at the cost of $390 million, plus another $160 million in infrastructure.
All of these costs incurred by the taxpayers, and they don't even get the naming rights of the stadiums? I am getting more and more upset. Thank God I don't live in Minneapolis. The truth is that these underachieving Minnesota sports franchises are getting off easy. Think about how people want teachers not have job security and get publicly flogged with faulty data, but these guys who all missed the play-offs or bowl game don't all get fired? I guess the point of this crazy rant is that the Vikings staying in Minnesota tells us an awful lot about the priorities of our society and what we really value. If push comes to shove, let the Vikings move to Los Angeles. It would cost a lot less in the long run for the good tax payers of Minnesota to buy directv league pass and not have to suffer through another crappy season.
All of these costs incurred by the taxpayers, and they don't even get the naming rights of the stadiums? I am getting more and more upset. Thank God I don't live in Minneapolis. The truth is that these underachieving Minnesota sports franchises are getting off easy. Think about how people want teachers not have job security and get publicly flogged with faulty data, but these guys who all missed the play-offs or bowl game don't all get fired? I guess the point of this crazy rant is that the Vikings staying in Minnesota tells us an awful lot about the priorities of our society and what we really value. If push comes to shove, let the Vikings move to Los Angeles. It would cost a lot less in the long run for the good tax payers of Minnesota to buy directv league pass and not have to suffer through another crappy season.
Don't Shoot the Bird
Report: 2 women fight over Falcons' Turner | ajc.com
I hate it when women fight over my former fantasy do-gooders.
The questions is this...Was there hair or weave on the front lawn? Because we all know women cannot fight without pulling hair or weave.
Drew Brees is...
If Drew Brees gets franchise tag, Saints doo - 03-01-2012
Drew Brees is hands-down one of the greatest in the game. Look at his stats. Give him what he is due. He has done so much for the ‘aints. Yeah, remember that piece of history, Loomis? Losing seasons, bags on the head, and constant disappointment?
Apparently, both parties are 5 million apart. And I heard the other day that they want to pay him roughly the same as Vick. No. No. No.
Pay Drew Brees like you would pay Tom Brady and/or Peyton Manning. He makes everyone better.
This is a no-brainer.
Tonight I had to read a tweet at least three times due to the lack of comprehension that was going on in my cranium. A lot of fluff comes out of NFL decision-makers all of the time but nothing as inane as the fluff projected from the mouth of Mickey Loomis (GM of the New Orleans Saints). Apparently, Drew Brees is a “very good quarterback.” Pardon? This was said after someone described Mr. Brees as “great."
Texans' Kubiak will be honored as AFC Coach -Wait...
Wait...You have got to be kidding me. I thought it was Jim Caldwell. No? Ohhhh! maybe he is being honored at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum?
All kidding aside, Kubiak did an excellent job with the Texans this year. Technically they should have been one of the more dominant teams in the AFC. If they were healthy, then they could have destroyed the Ravens in the playoffs. I must say, it pains me to see them do well - they are in the AFC South with the Colts. The Colts have dominated that division for years and it is hard to see the title slip into the grubby hands of the "expansion team." <--that was a while back. But regardless of my minute bias, I am thrilled for the Texans. As a football fan, I love to watch physical, competitive action. After a while, it gets boring with the same old teams. Welcome Texans. You officially took the spot of my Colts and deserve it.
Oh, and Kubiak totally deserves this honor. Screw big B.
Raider's kicker Sebastian Janikowski to watch a screening of a Sandler movie?
Ah, maybe not a Sandler movie. Maybe he actually did something malicious and is being sent to an actually class designed to curb his anger.
Raider's kicker Sebastian Janikowski to atte - 03-01-2012
Raider's kicker Sebastian Janikowski to atte - 03-01-2012
I bet he could kick a water cooler the entire distance of a football field.
Is Bob Knight teaching this course? Better yet, is Pat Knight attending? Did anyone else see Pat go all daddy on his players?
Anger management is a joke. But I will tell you this - if the education industry pays me per session to attend one - I might go.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHITbGaahhQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHITbGaahhQ
Source: Peyton Hillis won't be tagged - because they can't find him...
Source: Peyton Hillis won't be tagged - 03-01-2012
According to a few random tweets, Hillis wants to pursue a career with the CIA.
Someone watched too much 'Homeland.'
Steelers to release Hines Ward - Where will he dance his way to now?
Steelers to release Hines Ward - 03-01-2012
Death by 'Dancing with the Stars.'
If I was a football team owner - I would steer clear of the DWTS curse.
The SINcinnati Jail-gals
What do the following names have in common?
Steve Foley
Steve Foley (again)
Darnay Scott
Corey Dillon
Tremain Mack
Akili Smith
Vaughn Booker
Neil Rackers
James Lynch
Levi Jones
Justin Smith
Chris Henry
Chris Henry (again)
Chris Henry (again and again)
A.J. Nicholson
Chris Henry (yawn…again)
Frostee Rucker
Matthias Askey
Eric Steinbach
Odell Thurman
Reggie McNeal
Deltha O’Neal
Jonathan Joseph
Chris Henry (wow…)
A.J. Nicholson
Quincy Wilson
CHRIS HENRY
Ahmad Brooks
Leon Hall
Rey Maualuga
Maurice Purify
Pacman Jones
Marvin White
Cedric Benson
Jerome Simpson
I may be missing a few.
So what do all of these names have in common? They were all
once members of the Cincinnati Bengals. The Bengals are bad asses. Actually –
Cincinnati is bad ass. The Xavier and Cincinnati brawl further proves that
something needs to be done in that river city. It appears to people on the
outside that disorderly conduct is acceptable there. Although I know that is
not the case – it appears that way. Crack down, Cincy. Marvin, you may need to
crack down as well. There might be a reason Carson Palmer skipped town…
Most recently Jerome Simpson was busted for marijuana in an
excessive amount. Obviously this violates the law and more importantly NFL drug
substance policies. This could potentially damage the Bengals. You guys all saw
that flip into the end zone. He is crazy athletic. But alas, he tosses away his
talent for a few hours of medicated happiness. Oh well.
Do you speak Ukranian?
This website checks out our blog hard core, so Sarah and I love them. Check them out, and if you can learn to speak Ukranian let us know what they are about.
http://troll-face-ru.blogspot.com/
http://troll-face-ru.blogspot.com/
2 for 1 in LA
Fans that went to see the Lakers take on the T-Wolves at the Staples Center got an added bonus to their expensive ticketed game. Fans got to see 'Phantom of the Opera." Creepy McCreepinstein (Kobe) was not hindered by either the broken nose or the concussion. This virtually unstoppable monster had 31 points, 7 rebounds, 8 assists, and 1 steal. This leaves me with one question...
Why do professional players excel when they break bones or tear stuff?
Why do professional players excel when they break bones or tear stuff?
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Titleist 910 adjustable Driver vs. Callaway RAZR Hawk Tour Driver
As you have probably figured out by now, we really enjoy golf. As a matter of fact, we spend an inordinate amount of time playing the game. This also means I spend an inordinate amount of time and money tinkering with equipment. Two Christmas' ago I received a Titleist 910 adjustable driver, and this Christmas I was gifted with a Callaway RAZR Hawk Tour. These are two of the most popular drivers on the market, and having had the chance to hit the Razer at the range, I can offer my humble opinion. For those mortal golfers like me, this might be valuable. I am not a low handicapper, hell, I don't have one because I don't want to become a sandbagger. I can play well [my best round is a legit 79] and I've had days where I have stopped counting because I was just enraged. I usually sit in the low to mid 90's, and that often is because of lack of short game touch from limited play. With this long and wordy preface, I offer you my humble opinions:
- Before playing the Titleist 910, I played a trusty TaylorMade Tour Burner TP, which I occasionally murdered with drives over 300 yards. That was nice. The bad was I occasionally sprayed them, and my thoughts were the adjustable 910 would help limit the damage.
- Even when I striped the 910, I didn't get the same distance. However, when playing well with the neutral face settings which actually play a slight fade, I drew it slightly. Not bad, good distance all was well.
- The real issue with the adjustable driver is that it doesn't help you unless you have a consistent swing. For a single digit golfer, it might be a great fix. For those of us who don't have the most consistent swings, I think it messes with your head more then anything else. Yes, don't believe the hype. The problem is that you may pick up a minor swing flaw, change your ball flight, and be tempted to adjust the settings on the club. I did this. My game went to shit. Instead of fixing my flaws, I exaggerated them, and by the end of the season I might as well have put on a short skirt and worked the corner with the amount of hooking I was doing. Further adjustment of the club did not solve these problems.
- After receiving the 910, I gave my Burner away, and refusing to take stuff back that I gave, needed a new driver. The RAZR had great ratings so I felt I should go for it. The first time out- still early, I'll admin- couldn't have gone better. I had a much better feel for my swing, and wasn't thinking about what adjustments I might need to make to the club, instead focusing on my swing. This thing also covers up miss-hits pretty well, and I had a couple with the first time out. {Check out the Mike golf swing video to see my flaws}
Final Thoughts: Do yourself a favor. Save the bucks and don't purchase the adjustable driver. All it will do is give you something else to think about while playing golf, and most of us already allow our heads to flooded with too many thoughts anyway. If you are a five handicap, go for it. If your like me, get a regular driver and once you have a consistent miss consider getting a club that will suit you. But if you have a wider shot dispersion, save the $100 and invest in a lesson or training aide.
Mathis Near a Deal
Robert Mathis (AKA QB hater and harasser) is nearing a deal with the Indianapolis Colts (according to some random Colts watchdog website and Bob Kravitz). For Colts fans this is huge. Mathis is a dominant force on the Indy defense. During the dismal 2011 season, Mathis had 43 tackles (29 solo) and three forced fumbles. What statistics fail to include are the number of times Mathis scared the shit out of the opposing QB. SS (scared shitless) should be a statistic used in football.
When Mike was asked his thoughts on the imminent resigning of Robert Mathis, he said it was a good move. "Pagano and Luck will need a strong defense to keep the pressure off of the offense. Luck is replacing a legend and does not need the added stress. Furthermore, Mathis should fit well with Pagano's scheme. He will be able to get after the opposing QB."
Mike was referring to Peyton Manning as the legend.
Alright Colts, now resign your WRs.
When Mike was asked his thoughts on the imminent resigning of Robert Mathis, he said it was a good move. "Pagano and Luck will need a strong defense to keep the pressure off of the offense. Luck is replacing a legend and does not need the added stress. Furthermore, Mathis should fit well with Pagano's scheme. He will be able to get after the opposing QB."
Mike was referring to Peyton Manning as the legend.
Alright Colts, now resign your WRs.
Kobe Cleared to Play...
...after he threatened doctors with the loss of their lives.
Kobe is a ball hog - but a superior competitor with killer instincts. There was no way he would miss a game. Not when they are neck in neck in their division with Staples Center mates, the Clippers.
If he shoots free throws at the wrong end then we will know he came back too soon.
Good luck, Kobe....
Kobe is a ball hog - but a superior competitor with killer instincts. There was no way he would miss a game. Not when they are neck in neck in their division with Staples Center mates, the Clippers.
If he shoots free throws at the wrong end then we will know he came back too soon.
Good luck, Kobe....
Knicks demolish the Cavs
That was a comeback my friends. What a difference between halves. A few observations.
- The Knicks are a damn good team when they move the ball. This means you Carmelo Anthony and A'mare Stoudamire. You guys need to quit the superstar crap, and play team ball.
- Steve Novak is important to the Knicks success. After he went on his 5 three bing in the third quarter, the floor opened up. It made me feel as if I was watching a lob city (Clippers) game. The lanes were wide open because the Cavs were fearful of being demoralized by another Novak 3- and it was justified. I just wonder when he will change the spelling of his last name to NNNovak.
- Mike D'antoni is really an idiot. He should play guys who commit to defense. Look at the job the second unit did. Shumpert is a flipping beast!
- Jeremy Lin was fouled a couple of times without the benefit of the call. My biggest complaint about the NBA is the officiating. Your telling me if DWade or LeBron get bumped while finishing a layup there isn't a foul called and a formal investigation by the league office.
- On a separate note, since I have already written about the Heat, I think karma will catch up with Dwayne Wade. And karma may be named Metta World Peace and arrive on Sunday. Too bad the sports couple will have to watch this action via ESPN3 because of a wedding. Sometimes I wish we had adopted an anti-wedding policy, this way whenever we were invited the standard response would be something like, sorry, we don't do weddings. This would be a tremendous time saver, but most likely cause us to be hated by friends, relatives and loved ones. On second thought, this wouldn't be good for our blog, or social calendar. Looking forward to the wedding on Sunday!
Knicks Game Commentary
The Sports Couple is watching the Knicks look terrible against the Cavs. Here are our thoughts:
1. Seriously? What is the deal with the free-throws? Did they forget to practice the second easiest shot over the all-star break? The lay-up is the easiest.
2. Jeremy Lin needs to drive more. He creates countless opportunities for scoring - by either put-backs, lay-ups, foul shots, or kick-outs.
3. Bernard King is a surprisingly good commentator. Walt Frazier is out on vacation.
4. The Knicks are a much better team when Lin has the ball. He controls the offense and at least attempts to run a play.
5. Why does Amare think he is a guard? Stop shooting, dude!
6. The only way to stop Jeremy Lin is to give him a bloody nose.
7. Steve Novak needs to shoot more.
8. Is Mike D'Antoni at the game?
1. Seriously? What is the deal with the free-throws? Did they forget to practice the second easiest shot over the all-star break? The lay-up is the easiest.
2. Jeremy Lin needs to drive more. He creates countless opportunities for scoring - by either put-backs, lay-ups, foul shots, or kick-outs.
3. Bernard King is a surprisingly good commentator. Walt Frazier is out on vacation.
4. The Knicks are a much better team when Lin has the ball. He controls the offense and at least attempts to run a play.
5. Why does Amare think he is a guard? Stop shooting, dude!
6. The only way to stop Jeremy Lin is to give him a bloody nose.
7. Steve Novak needs to shoot more.
8. Is Mike D'Antoni at the game?
A Solid ESPN Addition
ESPN reported earlier in the day that Bill Polian (former Colts dictator) will become an NFL analyst for the dominating sports network. Although I am not Bill Polian’s prevalent cheerleader, I do think that this is a rock-solid move by ESPN. Bill Polian has a wealth of knowledge and years of efficacious experience with both the Indianapolis Colts and the Buffalo Bills. Forgive me if I am incorrect – but I believe that Polian will be the only former GM to serve as an NFL analyst on ESPN. I look forward to this addition. Polian will provide viewers a GM’s perspective of NFL operations – as opposed to only former players and coaches.
Hey ESPN, you can further enhance your credibility by adding the Sports Couple to your line-up. Just saying.
Morning Musings
Year and year, I find it amusing when free agents in professional sports put team allegiance aside and seek additional money or a different team. It is particularly comical when people get a false sense of self. Players frequently let their agents influence their feelings and ultimately appear to the public as an egotistical ass.
Football, baseball, and basketball are all team games that require harmony. If a team lacks the ability to play as a team, then they usually fall short. With that being said, if I was a professional football player and a teammate expressed interest in another team – I would be infuriated. I am going to use Plaxico Burress as an example. Let it be known- I am not a Jets fan. In fact, I get annoyed at them periodically throughout the season. But in their defense, they gave Plax a shot after his stint in prison. As thanks, he says he wants to go play for the Eagles (or the dream team). I would be angry if I was a Jet. And I would be weary if I was an Eagle. This shows the true side of Plaxico – the opportunist.
Wait a second; wasn’t Plaxico miffed at the Giants for not running to him like a long lost girlfriend? Interesting.
Moving on.
Herm Edwards and Mike Greenberg just said on Mike and Mike in the Morning that Mark Sanchez is the LeBron James of football. No he isn’t. LeBron James is one of the best basketball players ever. Mark Sanchez is a baby-faced, mediocre quarterback. I would tweet something nasty if I was LeBron. That comparison is an unwarranted insult.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Take Off Those Ugly Pants and Shoot the Three!
Mike and I are watching Indiana University combat Michigan State on ESPN. I am pretty impartial when it comes to discussing Indiana University basketball. I am an aficionado, but I am not a die-hard enthusiast. The whole college basketball thing is problematic for me. I was raised in a household that worshipped the dirt digging Boilermakers of Purdue. I went around for most of my childhood cursing the name of Bob Knight and praising the name of Gene Keady. So when I went to college and my love for basketball briefly waned – I failed to really get into it. I watched passively, of course. That is our duty as students of Indiana University – I think it is in the conduct code of ethics (or some crap like that). And now, as time has lapsed, I have grown the regenerate that appreciation for the game of basketball. On the collegiate level, I have channeled the interest toward the Alma Amateur. Want to hear what I think about IU basketball? Of course you do. Everyone likes to read the thoughts of a bloviating half-wit. I will bullet my thoughts. It is an organizational thing.
- Indiana University is petrifying and intimidating at home. Seriously. The intimidation stems more the crowd than it does the team. The team feeds off of the antagonism and exhilaration emitted from the crimson and cream fans besieging the hardwood. Who saw the most exciting game in college basketball this year? We did. Kentucky fell to an unranked Indiana team. IU would have lost that game at Rupp. No doubt. Bloodcurdling fans make a substantial difference in a game like that. There is a reason that video games have a built-in momentum feature. It is huge. And the IU crowd is astounding when it comes to constructing vocal energy-feeding momentum. This makes IU my favorite at home every time. Unless they are playing a crap team – sometimes they stay in McNutt (a party dorm) instead of defending their home court. That makes my blood boil.
- What college basketball fan does not like to see the arms of the ref shoot up in the air parallel to one another? All fans love it. The three ball rivals the dunk in a popularity contest. It is only a one-point difference from the usual field goal – but it is suggestively more imposing. IU is dazzling when it comes to converting the three. They are currently ranked third shooting at 42%. This makes the team fun to watch. What ESPN viewer has missed the mobile commercial consisting of Christian Watford nailing the three in the final second of the Kentucky game? You all have seen it. It was remarkable. IU is menacing and dangerous to opponents when it comes to the three. Not to mention, it is hard to defend because they have the Zeller threat down low. Opposing teams have to play impeccable defense in order to properly play the Hoosiers. I love the three. Screw dunks.
- Sometimes I see the “IU pants” and shutter. Yeah, it is tradition to get them in support of your team – but that represents an era of IU basketball that ended bitterly. Bob Knight will not even go to Assembly to call a game (although this could be a safety issue – not in bad way. IU fans would mob him out of love). If I were Bob Knight, I would start a petition to retire the popular pants. I guess some fans would argue they wear the pants out of tribute. Yeah, well, whatever…I am tired of looking at them. Put them away and chalk it up to a loss of $100 or so. Those things are expensive.
- I am going to go back to the actual team now. IU is about one player away from being dominant in the Big Ten. Tom Crean has proved to be an excellent coach with out inhibition for his enthusiasm. He came into the stain that Kelvin Sampson left and rebuilt the team using honest methodology. Good for him. Since he is such a respectable coach and a man he is getting great recruits. Next year they will be even better. Stop praying for a scandal, Purdue fans – this team and coach are clean.
I have to stop. I went all Bill Simmons on you people and you do not deserve that.
The Curse of Dancing With the Stars!
Yikes.... It looks
like the Green Bay Packers 2012 season will end just as disappointing as
the 2011 season. Never before in the history of the NFL has a team won a Super Bowl after having a player
participate in Dancing With
the Stars. History has proven this fact. Jason Taylor, Chad Ochocinco and Hines
Ward have set this precedent, and my money is on Driver continuing it.
Today it was announced that Driver would participate {click here for full story} on the gut wrenching Dancing With the Stars - why
the hell does anyone watch this show. When we attempted to reach Driver
for comment [he didn't respond considering we have no contact information,
however I can imagine what he would say] "my career is almost over, this
might segway me into the booth." I'm sure Aaron Rodgers is thrilled
by this development as well.
Essentially I think it boils down to the following question. Why
on Earth would you want to put an additional target on your back? Didn't
the Pack go through this last year, with teams starting to try to knock them
out to earn extra credit with the media & fans for a quality win? I'm
sure Ndamukong Suh will have added incentive to stomp
additional Packers. Plus, for a team whose haters often call them the Fudge
Packers, was this really a smart move? I just think this reeks of
desperation, and the Packers will regret the distraction. Don't be
surprised that if Jay Cutler stays healthy the Bears win the division.
Especially if they can add a guy like Vincent Jackson.
On a positive note, the NFL season
begins on Wednesday, September 5th. This means that the school year can
start off on the right foot here in New York, with welcomed distractions abound.
Special note to all NFL players - you will curse your team if you go on DWTS. You will not win a Super Bowl. But you may retire... or be forced into it.....
Special note to all NFL players - you will curse your team if you go on DWTS. You will not win a Super Bowl. But you may retire... or be forced into it.....
The Combine
After having a few days to digest the combine, I have some thoughts to share with the masses.
A) RGIII's (yes, I went Roman Numerals on your ass- he did graduate in three years so I am confident if he reads this he will know what I'm talking about) stock is skyrocketing. This is fairly obvious. Not so obvious. His numbers in the Big 12 were inflated due to the conferences aversion to playing defense. Everyone expects him to burst on the scene, much like Cam Newton. I hope he does because he seems like a fantastic person. However, years spent on the sofa in front of the TV on Sundays tell me he might struggle. Especially if he goes to Cleveland. Just for the sake of argument, take a look at Colt McCoy's college stats:
and compare them to RGIII's
Keep this in consideration when RGIII tries to complete passes to Greg Little and Josh Cribbs. Remember, Cam Newton went to a team that had a bad year, but wasn't a bad team. RGIII will not have that advantage if he goes to Cleveland. I'm hoping Miami doesn't trade up, because they would be tough with him as a QB, and it seems like the Marino pressure wouldn't bother him.
A) RGIII's (yes, I went Roman Numerals on your ass- he did graduate in three years so I am confident if he reads this he will know what I'm talking about) stock is skyrocketing. This is fairly obvious. Not so obvious. His numbers in the Big 12 were inflated due to the conferences aversion to playing defense. Everyone expects him to burst on the scene, much like Cam Newton. I hope he does because he seems like a fantastic person. However, years spent on the sofa in front of the TV on Sundays tell me he might struggle. Especially if he goes to Cleveland. Just for the sake of argument, take a look at Colt McCoy's college stats:
| Passing | Rushing | |||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Season | Team | GP | Rating | Att | Comp | Pct | Yds | TD | INT | Att | Yds | TD | ||
| 2006 | Texas | 13 | 161.8 | 318 | 217 | 68.2 | 2,570 | 29 | 7 | 68 | 170 | 2 | ||
| 2007 | Texas | 13 | 139.2 | 424 | 276 | 65.1 | 3,303 | 22 | 18 | 114 | 510 | 4 | ||
| 2008 | Texas | 13 | 173.75 | 433 | 332 | 76.7 | 3,859 | 34 | 8 | 136 | 561 | 11 | ||
| 2009 | Texas | 14 | 147.41 | 470 | 332 | 70.6 | 3,521 | 27 | 12 | 129 | 348 | 3 | ||
| Totals | 53 | 158.25 | 1,645 | 1,157 | 70.3 | 13,253 | 112 | 45 | 447 | 1,589 | 20 | |||
| Season | Passing | Rushing | |||||||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Comp | Att | Yds | Pct | TD | Int | Rating | Att | Yds | Avg | Lng | TD | ||||||||
| 2011 | 267 | 369 | 3,998 | 72.4% | 36 | 6 | 192.3 | 161 | 644 | 4.0 | 49 | 9 | |||||||
| 2010 | 304 | 454 | 3,501 | 67% | 22 | 8 | 144.2 | 149 | 635 | 4.3 | 71 | 8 | |||||||
| 2009 (3 games**) | 45 | 69 | 481 | 65.2% | 4 | 0 | 142.9 | 27 | 77 | 2.9 | 17 | 2 | |||||||
| 2008 (12 games) | 160 | 267 | 2091 | 59.9% | 15 | 3 | 142.0 | 173 | 843 | 4.9 | 63 | 13 | |||||||
| Total | 776 | 1,159 | 10,071 | 66.125% | 77 | 17 | 155.35 | 510 | 2,199 | 4.3 | 32 | ||||||||
B) Indianapolis is on fire. The combine had 400 fans the other day. 400! To watch men run around in skimpy clothing. Would it kill Under Armour to spend the extra $4 on fabric and make something more appropriate? Anyway, I don't understand why they don't have the guys do the drill in pads- wouldn't the 40 mean a hell of a lot more if the guy was wearing full pads? Or the recievers gauntlet? Just saying.
C) I really think the kid from Georgia Tech, the wide out Stephan Hill (28 catches, 5TDs, 820 yards) really helped himself. Low 40 time, 6'4", and wonderful technique in catching the football. Remember this- when Demaryius Thomas came out from the GT wishbone option he did not have great numbers (
120 catches for 2,339 and 14 TDs in his career, 46 catches 8TD,s 1154 yards in his draft year) before leaving, and looks like he is ready to break out, if he didn't already in the play-offs. I'm willing to discount Hill's numbers a bit because of the offense (much like Thomas- GT pass attempts since 2008 by year [165,168,168,167]), meaning that Hill was targeted on 16.7% of the teams pass attempts {aside note: Welker caught about 19.7% of New England's attempts, Reggie Wayne caught 14% of Colts attempts}. So he may wind up being a steal, especially if he slips into the second round. This would be an ideal spot for a team to be aggressive and grab a guy who could be a game changer.
D) Running out of time. I will share more thoughts later, but let me leave you with this- Let's hope that the Patriots don't finally become aggressive and trade up for once. If they packaged some picks together they could get an impact player, like a game breaking receiver or a dynamic tackling machine. I don't think they will, because it isn't the "Patriot Way", but at some point you'd have to look at the long list of guys who haven't worked out in the mid-second round, and finally get aggressive to go after a top-flight talent. Imagine them trading up and somehow getting their hooks on one of the two defenders from LSU, and being able to either cover or rush the passer with some consistency. Scary. Good thing they only believe in the "Patriot Way", which is apparently losing in the Super Bowl to the Giants.
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