Letters of Anger - Part 1

We are angry people when we go into the public. People suck. When people suck – we write letters.

Dear Mommy 'female dog' on Bergen Street,

Yeah you created the miracle of life. You popped some humans out of your lower half. That is wonderful. But you are still a 'female dog' because you are taking up the sidewalk with your minions and stroller. Move.

Love,

Sarah and Mike

PS birth control

Dear Rude People at the Downtown Brooklyn Macy’s,

I would take you over obnoxious, self-entitled wealthy people anyday. 

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear Token Loud Lady at Restaurants,

You are not cute. Put a bag over your head and shut up.

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear Guy at Rite-Aid chewing gum obnoxiously,

Stop chomping the gum. If you don’t – we will stick a snickers bar up your butt and all the cash in the drawer down your throat.

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear Awful Lady at the Long Island J.Crew,

We are sorry that your worthless undergraduate degree did not pan out. But you are not better than us. You work at a J.Crew. A J. Crew. This is not high-end crap you are peddling.

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear Helpful Lady at Macys,

Miracles do happen. You told me exactly where I should go. You now join Tim Tebow in god-like-ranks.

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear Crazy Pants Lady at the Bar (who sometimes wears a leather vest),

Did you wash your hands with beer? Then proceed to dance to a bad 80s song? Yeah, you should not be around children. You are scary. You make people bow their heads in shame or double the size of their eyes.

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear Speech Lady,

Yeah, sometimes people at Indiana University wear the same color at basketball games. Sometimes.

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear Guy that Works at the Nut Box,

Do you ever fear that people think you are in the porn industry when you tell them that you work at the nut box, which is located across the street from the meat market?

Love,

Sarah and Mike