Kentucky won

...the power of the Angry Bird - Anthony Davis.

Nice try, Kansas.

Congratulations Reggie Miller!

Mike and I disagree on Reggie Miller and the 90s rivalry between the Knicks and the Pacers. Mike grew up a Knicks fan and I grew up a Pacers fan. I am shocked that Mike does not like to travel. He watched a lot of traveling shows as a kid. I digress...

Reggie Miller got into the Hall of Fame today. And as my father pointed out, Indiana and Reggie can thank the Knicks for this induction. Without his intense rivalry with Spike Lee and ridiculous 3-pointers - he would just be another skinny 3-point shooter based out of Indiana.

I am happy for him. He was a pre-P-Dog type for Indiana. He was fun to watch and brought about a certain closeness and connection for Hoosiers for many years.

Good for you, Reggie Miller.

I still think Cheryl would kick his butt though.

What do you think of the Bartman fiasco?

If you are a sports fan - you remember this. What do you think about the Cub nation allegations against Steve Bartman? Was it warranted? Exaggerated? Ridiculous? Sad?

Sarah's Take: A fan does not make or break a game. This was game 6 and it did not end the series. Bartman did NOT lose it for the Cubs. In the heat of the moment, everyone would go after the ball. Do NOT deny it.

Bathroom Etiquette [Just for Men] Update

This is one of the favorite posts of all you readers out there, so I hope you enjoy re-reading and enjoying the new post at the bottom!


Many of you seemed to enjoy Sarah's post about bathroom etiquette so I decided to write the Just for Men version, in honor of Walt "Clyde" Frazier and Kieth Hernandez-- two paragons of society who would probably call you--and I do mean you--out on these bathroom behaviors.


Scenario One:  The Powerlifter
This describes the person who enters the stall and begins grunting like he is trying to through up 350 on the bench press and needs a spot.  Is it necessary for you to grunt like your passing a kidney stone?  If you are passing a kidney stone, take a day off and do it from home for god's sake.  The powerlifter has the effect of making everyone in the bathroom, as well as those within ear shot, of being incredibly uncomfortable and not knowing how to react.  Some of us try to hide our laughter, some are disgusted, but all just want to wipe [pun intended] our memory clean of the powerlifter.  


Suggestions to discourage the Powerlifter:  Share this blog post with them or buy an Everlast weight lifting belt and present them with a gift in the bathroom for a more direct approach.


Scenario Two:  The Sprinkler
One of the most underrated inventions of all time is the urinal.  It allows men to quickly use the bathroom to urinate, is aptly named, and always clean.  Better yet, it is nearly impossible to miss a urinal unless you try to piss across the room-- I have not done this, for the record.  Regrettably, some men seem to have a fear of the urinal for some reason.  This causes them to enter the stall area, where accuracy issues result in a seat covered in piss-- devastating for those who need to take a dump.  This public menace must be put down.  How hard is it to not piss all over the seat?  I wish I had the vocabulary and rhyming skills of Walt Frazier so I could properly embarrass this individual- the best I can come up with is "pissing and missing".  If you have better suggestions please share.


Suggestions to discourage the Sprinkler:  This is all about the level of tact you wish to use-  If you are a brash person you can strike up a conversation and state that you had to hover when you crapped because some asshole pissed all over the seat.  If you are less brash, you can mention that the toilet is a mess, and you wish people would be more considerate.  If you want to be passive aggressive place a target on the toilet seat.


Scenario Three:  The Chatterbox
In the bathroom, pleasantries are polite.  At the urinal,limited conversation may be uncomfortable, but understandable, even if you should have the 1,000 yard stare into the tiles on the wall working.  On a separate note, why don't they hang interesting pictures above urinals- imagine discussing a Picasso after taking a piss.  It would be a boon to the arts!  However, I do not like to talk if I am in a stall.  I do not like to even acknowledge the existence of other human beings while I am in the stall.  Do not talk to me.  When that door closes, imagine me going to my happy place like Happy Gilmore when he was putting.  Don't try to strike up a conversation.  I won't think you are rude.  For those of you who like to talk, I suggest you shut the fuck up.  No one wants to have their rituals and routines disrupted.  


Suggestions to discourage the Chatterbox:   Again, this is all about your comfort level.  You can be passive aggressive and just not respond, but this is not a very effective tactic.  I would recommend one of two strategies to turn off another individual from yapping away. The first is to keep on repeating "what was that?"  "I didn't catch that", with the hope that eventually the chatterbox begins shouting and shames himself into shutting up.  The second technique is more proactive, and it involves saying things like, "damn, that corn from last night isn't agreeing with me", or "call Mr. Softy, I have a new flavor".  This will make even the most talkative crapper to reconsider.


Scenario Four:  Mutually Assured Destruction
Cold War terminology is probably appropriate for the individual who goes nuclear in the bathroom on a daily basis.  This expert bomber has completed countless missions, and ruined many a toilet seat.  For the average person, there is little to be done when this man just sits on the toilet and craps for 10 consecutive minutes.  When you gotta go, I guess you gotta go.  My issues with this person are two fold.  First- develop a better schedule, for example if your lactose intolerant, maybe it isn't a good idea to have a bowl of cereal with milk and 2 grande latte's before work.  Leave that for home.  Secondly, how about  showing a some consideration and giving a courtousy flush.  No one wants the toilet  to look like a sewer and feel that a plumber needs to be found post haste.  Take the extra 2.5 seconds to flush it down again, for humanity's sake.


Suggestions to discourage MAD:  Again, we are pretty much helpless here.  The best solution is to find out the time table for this person, and be sure to get in and out of the bathroom like a Navy Seal before the area is carpet bombed.


Scenario Five:  The Librarian
The Librarian is the bathroom reader.  At home, go for it.  Install book cases in your favorite bathroom.  Hell, put a television in there for all I care.  However, in public, don't be the one.  No one likes to see a newspaper covered in poo particles laying on the floor, or sitting on a ledge.  The best are the ones who take the librarian role seriously, and hang the paper from the handrail thing on the stall (for those of you outside the NYC area, all bathrooms are required to have a handicapped handrail built after 2005) like you were actually in the library!  Yikes.  Not only does this have the effect of nastiness, but it gives you the mental picture of someone taking a massive dump just before you arrived.  Not what you want to be thinking about when your just trying to get in and out.  


Suggestions for dealing with the Librarian:  Again, this is a difficult situation to prevent.  If there is a copy of the New York Post, use it to wipe your ass because that is the real reason it is published.  Otherwise, I would recommend purchasing a biohazard suit to deal with the paper that is left on the floor and covered in crap and piss.  


Scenario Six:  The Techno Crapper
Technology can be a wonderful thing.  The information age has allowed us to share our ideas, increase our productivity, and stay in contact with loved ones.  Touch screen devices, like our advanced cell phones, are all the rage making it easier then ever to use these modern wonders.  However, we must examine the bounds of this world.  Should it enter the bathroom?  No.  Especially not when you are in a stall.  No one wants to overhear your argument with your significant other casting blame on them for under cooking the chicken causing your current predicament.  Stay off the phone!  I also ask the question, do you wash your hands after crapping?  I hope so!  Do you wash your phone?  Thought not!  Yuck.  That touches your face.  And your crappy hands.  Awesome.


Suggestions for dealing with the Techno Crapper:  The best tactic to stop the techno crappers reign of terror is to begin flushing the toilet like a mad man.  Hopefully, the person on the other end of the phone will be disgusted, and hang up leaving the techno crapper with no one to talk to.  As an added bonus you may provide additional ammunition for the fight on the phone, helping to deliver victory for the techno crapper's significant other!


Scenario Seven:  The Powerboater
This is the toilet terror who does not powerlift, but makes you feel like you stopped by the Marina with the sounds emanating from their rear.  Being in the bathroom at the same time as this flagellant fiend makes you wish you had at least brought ear plugs, and perhaps a gas mask as well.  The worst part of this experience is the "ahhhh" sound after the powerboater has completed their dastardly deed. 


Suggestions for dealing with the Powerboater:  There isn't much you can do here.  Go to your happy place.  I like to imagine the strolling down the 18th of Augusta with a 7 shot lead.  The smell of the magnolia's helps.  Just be grateful you don't carpool with the powerboater because just like an earthquake, there are bound to be aftershocks.


Scenario Eight:  The Holy Crapper
The Holy Crapper is the man who thinks a trip to the bathroom like a visit to a porcelain  .  altar.  He enters the stall, drops his drawers and as he releases his sins you hear him mutter "Ohhh God!  Sweet Jesus!"  I'm all for being closer to God, but if this guy takes it one step further I think I'll have to cut a hole in the wall of the stall and order him to pray 15 Hail Mary's for his sins.  Before you eat the forbidden fruit buddy, remember the effects of being lactose intolerant. 


Suggestions for dealing with the Holy Crapper:  Generally these individuals believe they are the Lone Ranger in the john, so the best strategy is to make sure you discretely make a noise loud enough for him to remember they are not alone- and we aren't talking just the Holy Father being omnipresent folks.  


Final thoughts:  The best way to avoid any and all of these situations is to purchase some Imodium AD and make sure you get home before having to use the bathroom.  Unfortunately, most of us don't have that option.  In all honesty, if you do any of these things STOP IMMEDIATELY.  Don't be the one!

Sporting events we don't follow...

Women's College Basketball.

Why watch this when we have James Lipton doing 'Inside the Actor's Studio'?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5dgFpmY38Q

Celebrity Apprentice Running Commentary (April 1)

Here we go, suckers!

Side note: It is hard not to get our 'Game of Thrones' on tonight.

Theresa is the project manager for the women.
Dee is the project manager for the men.

Comments: Theresa looks like a genie and Dee looks old. Here we go!

1. It always gets me when older men do not dress their age.

2. Why would anyone want to put their head up the rectum of Penn?

3.  Did Lou just plan a murder?  Look out Penn.  This is also the most strategy he has shown throughout the show.

4.  Is Arseneo flirting with Clay, or is it the other way around?

5.  Teresa is going to enter table flipping mode in the board room-- but alas, she will only get a hernia because Trump's table weighs 1800lbs.  Imported Brazilian hardwood.

6.  Does Regis still sell his line of ties?  I kind of liked them.

7.  It is called hopstop.com Deyenna.  The subway directions are better, because they account for service interruptions.  Go back to being Hugo Chavez's mouth piece.

8. Lisa speaks the truth. I would hate to work in the world of selfish show business.

9. If the set up a table and had Lou go sell the books - people would think he was the poster man for a 'special' charity.

10. Michael Andretti actually got a speeding ticket on the way over there. By the way, I think that was the most he has done this entire season.

11.  Lou called Vince McMahon earlier- I would have like to see him set up a quick table match with HHH & Lou.  I would have donated more to charity to see that.

12.  Nice to see a Teller appearance.  I wish he would do the show, it would have been awesome.

13.  Clay comes off like such a wimp.  Not exactly a foxhole kinda fella.  Unless you are in the Navy.

14.  Will Arseneo get Leno's money?  Or did Conan hijack it?

15. If Lou shows his muscles one more time, I will do steroid and become a muscle-woman, find him, and smack him in the face with a swiffer knock-off.

16.  Looks like I will have to misremember when people ask me about Sarah's steroid usage, as I am sure Lou will flex again.

17. Tjr-dog needs to shut the yapping down!

18.  What would it be like going through your entire life being known as the women who flipped the table.

19.  Ohh Damn- Debbie Gibson being called out- Dee just investigate, and will examine more closely later for confirmation.

20.  Speaking of Dee, he is dressed like a seller of Pink Flamingo's in Florida, who drives a Mary Kay car.

21.  And the winner is- the men- and Arseneo just crapped his pants.

22.  Now we have a major dilemma- do we watch Game of Thrones, or continue with Celeb Apprentice?  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Help!

23. I think Trump will take too much joy in telling Lisa she is fired.

24.  Does anyone not give 110% on this show?  Does this defy the laws of bio-mechanics?  And if not, shouldn't they just raise their games to 120%?

25. Aubrey does look like the type to hang out on the street...just sayin'

26.  I'm sick of Dayenna, so to build on the subway thing- to have effective directions don't you need a starting point?  How do you put that in a guide?  I hate Citgo!

27.  I think Trump was ready to fire Aubrey, but could not.

28.  Teresa will be toast.

29.  At some point, someone Don Jr. should just roll his father's chair, with him in it, out the door and take control of the show.

30. ^ Sarah seconds that.

31. Overused sayings on CA: "Throw under the bus." and "I gave 110%"....

32. Dayana is not speaking because she isn't very bright but bright enough to know she couldn't keep up in dialogue.

33.  This makes Dayanna a good strategist- just like Bushy!

34.  Debbie fired- that sucks for her- this was her big comeback.  Too bad, especially for the weak reason- Teresa did a terrible job of controlling the dialogue about who should be fired.

35.  Dee and Aubrey- yikes.  And Dee is upset he couldn't verify Teresa's claim about Debbie from earlier.

36.  At what point does Paul Sr. just walk off the show, dealing with all of this whining.  They need some cheese to go with it at this point.

37.  Nice to see some of this money wind up with the charity- glad to see so much going to a worthy cause.

38. The women always look like a rainbow. But every rainbow has its E-Or (SP) - Lisa.

39.  Did Don Jr. just out Lou?  Is that why he got along so well with George?

40. Oh my goodness, someone leave Aubrey in the basement of Walgreens.

41. This should be an interesting boardroom.

42. All they can do with Dayana is put her in a bathing suit. All they can do with Lou is have him flex.

43. Wal-Mart?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Penn messed up?!

44. Oh my God, 110% again!

45. I think Trump has a love for people that lack common sense.

46. Eric Trump seems so sweet (Mike may or may not have typed this).

47. Only the season finale of 'Eastbound and Down' would make Don Jr. cry.

48. This episode is too long. I quit. See you next week.

49.  Thanks Don Jr. for calling out Lou on the mathematics of 110%.  Now this episode is too long and I am done too.

Sarah Patty [video]

We probably shouldn't be friends in real life. A conversation with me sounds a lot like this...

NCAA Championship Game

Kentucky vs. Kansas.

Nice.

Kentucky will win. <-- Sarah's prediction. Although Sarah did not predict this when she made a bracket.

Mike says today, "the final four is more exciting when the usual suspects are not present. Kentucky, UNC, Duke, Kansas, OSU, and Butler...."

Butler.

I think it is safe to say that 100% of viewers miss Brad Stevens and his young 4-eyed face.