Rules to live by when going to a public restroom:
1. If you walk in a bathroom and see feet under the stall but fail to hear noise....RUN! Someone is bombing via the turd tunnel.
2. If you walk into a bathroom and gag, then you need to find a different bathroom. You do not want to be seen walking out of a stinky bathroom. You will be blamed. The scarlet letter is one thing - the shitter stamp is another.
3. If you see dry poop on the stall of a bathroom at work - look suspiciously at coworkers. Then try not to think of someone chiseling it off on the weekend with a gas mask.
4. Be nice to fellow humans. Bring spray if preparing to drop a bomb. People like to smell flowers not shit.
5. If you are creating a tornado from your butt and a hurricane in the toilet, DO NOT TALK TO THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU!
6. Women - dispose of your plugs properly. Do you want to stand in a biological hazard when it floods toilet water?
7. Women - do NOT stand in front of the mirror and check your ass out for 20 minutes. People watch you through the cracks of the stall (me). Those people judge you (me).
8. The cough and fart never works. Do not try to cover up a loud noise. It is impossible to cover up and it is hilarious to others (me).
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