Letters of Anger - Part 2

We are (-5,5) on the mood meter.

Dear Fellow Dog Owners,

If you do not want your dog to socialize, then you should move your tub of lard lower half to the other side of the street when you see an oncoming dog. One day I will accidentally launch a full poop bag in the vicinity of your olfactory system. You WILL get your comeuppance.

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear Danica Patrick,

My kneecap has more charisma than you. Fix your car, face, and speech.

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear Fake Homeless Lady of Philippines decent on Atlantic Avenue,

We all know you live in an apartment in a wealthy-ish neighborhood. Keep talking and I will collect sycophantic bugs (like you) and dump them in your hair.

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear people on bikes that ignore traffic rules,

How would you like it if we put a stick in your spokes?

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear patrons of ‘building on bond’,

Quit pretending to be better than a hipster yet not a corporate ass, we all know that you have to swim through that occupy Wall Street crowd to get to your station wagon.

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear Mayor Bloomberg,

Should we forward you the male genitalia enlargement e-mails that we get in the spam folder?

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear New York State government officials,

You should be charged with sexual misconduct directed at the middle class. Do I need a whistle when I do my taxes?

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear MTA,

With that subway fare hike – you should invest in the tree air fresheners and strategically place them on the homeless that you let ride for free.

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear jerks that toss chicken bones on the sidewalk,

Do us a favor and let natural selection weed you out. Go play in the street.

Love,

Sarah and Mike