Letters of Anger - Part 4

Dear Pigeons,

Respect me. I killed one of your dumb cousins years ago with my former motor vehicle. Watch yourselves.

Love,

Sarah

Dear ‘Something Else’ store on Smith Street in Brooklyn,

Your title makes it seem like you are unique. You are not. Your clothing line is bland and a colossal disappointment.

Love,

Sarah

Dear people at Chase bank that take 20 minutes at the ATM in order to check their balances,

I would love to take your receipt and start a small fire in your hair with it.

Love,

Sarah

Dear Chase bank,

If you fail to get more than 2 ATMs in your little site – there will be a small fire in a customer’s hair. Other banks never have a line due to plentiful ATM access. What don’t you get? Small fire in hair. Remember. Make changes. And while you are at it – try to quit sucking.

Love,

Sarah

Dear guy from the ‘Real Housewives of NYC’ that lives across the street from work,

You and your tight plaid pants made my baby-making parts wither up and evaporate.

Love,

Sarah

Dear Olives,

Get the HELL out of my salad.

Love,
Sarah

Dear Cottonelle Toilet Paper Company,

The cute dog in your advertising campaign does not wipe his butt. False advertisement. Get someone to pose on your TP who you know uses a lot of toilet paper – like Rex Ryan!

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear Fairway Market shoppers,

Talking is for telephones, cell phones, facebook chat, skype, or texting. Move your chatty butt out of the high traffic isle in front of the deli before we make you part of the butcher’s display.

Love,

Sarah and Mike

Dear Fairway Market,

You could probably sell poop in a bottle and it would look more appealing than that organic “food” you have stuffed in the corner.

Love,

Sarah and Mike