Letters of Inquiry - Part 1

Dear Sugar-Free Cough Drops,

What did I do to you? Did you get cold when I undressed you from your wrapper? Did my mouth offend you with the stench of left over coffee? I need answers.

Love,

A typically able-bodied person in explosive pain

Dear Brooklyn,

Why do you smell like a giant dumpster when it is warm? Are you God’s garbage can? Or are we in Sodom or Gomorrah? Oh God, this just got biblical. Jesse Ventura and Rick Santorum need to check this out.

Love,

Sarah

Dear Trader Joe’s,

Tell me if I am correct. Years ago, back in the beginning stages of your enterprise – the store was actually called ‘Trader Hoes’ and you frequently dealt with trafficking hookers on tropical islands – hence the pirate shirts. When trafficking became frowned upon, your leaders decided to go organic and trendy. Spot on? Thought so.

Love,

Sarah

Dear guy that came into Petsmart and rudely asked, “do you do stripping?!’,

It is 10:00am – take your kids and singles and go to a real strip club.

Love,
Sarah

Dear press, politicans, and most misguided citizens of the United States,

Why do you hate educators so much?

Love,

Sarah