Brooklyn Travels Pt. 1

So much for getting a photo album and avoiding familiar territory. I stomped all over the exact area I set out to avoid.

In all fairness, I had a Fort Greene escapade planned until I got into a verbal cellular communication exchange with my mother. Instead of talking to mom wirelessly and playing Frogger on Flatbush - I took a right and went the Gowanas route.

My first real stop was Lowes. I had to circle Carroll Gardens twice to get there because there was a flock of degenerates hanging out by the bus stop/Smith 9th train stop. When I see a flock - I take a turn. Unfortunately I saw many flocks and ultimately circled my old work habitat like a dart board.

When I finally decided to head back to Lowes - there was one final flock of degenerates that I had to bust through to get to my handy destination. To throw them off in case they considered assaulting me - I started speaking french. Translation: I said 'bonjour' and 'au revoir' several times. It gave me comfort. But come to think of it - a french-speaking person may have taken that nonsense as a conversation starter. I must work on my survival skills.

This Lowe's was pretty obnoxious. I had to kill a few minutes so I pretended to check out doorknobs. After about 40 minutes of pretending to be a carpenter (like Jesus), Mike came to meet me.

This is what we left with....

Bricks and flower pots.

Due to Mike's sore back an inability to serve as a mobile and physically-able individual - we went back home so he could rest. After about 5 minutes of unnecessarily eating combos and trying to decode a letter from my shitty insurance company, I went back out for part 2 of my walk.

PT. 2

Again, I did not go to Ft. Greene. Instead I went toward Brooklyn Heights. My first stop was Paper Source. I am quite determined to get a photo album. But alas, these cold-hearted capitalists are charging $40 for a piece o' crap photo album (I am going to guess this album was of Irish decent). It was not laced in gold. It did not have silver studs. It was just a regular, piece of ordinary photo album. After shooting the worker hovering my the stamps and unsatisfied look - I took leave and marched toward the Brooklyn Heights area.

When I got passed the downtown nightmare, I looked up and started to admire some buildings. Let me show you some pictures. Oh, by the way, the Sarah creep meter goes to +12 when I take a photo solo. I feel creepy/slimy. Self-conscious? Absolutely.

After using my better judgement and not taking a picture of the office of my lady Dr. - I settled on taking a picture of a house that I am 100% (or as reality stars say 110%) positive that it is haunted. If I lived there. I would wear black all of the time and speak like an exaggerated Ebenezer Scrooge. I would also write murder mysteries that would eternally knock James Patterson off of the bestseller list. What a mediocre piece of crap he is. I bet he doesn't live in a cool place like this. I bet he doesn't have real ghosts for inspiration.

Moving on.

After I got this far into BK Heights - I decided to go to the Promenade. Typically this is a packed spot filled with annoying people - but it was 92 degrees and I took a risk on it being empty. On my way there I saw the above building. I briefly fantasized about pole dancing on the columns. Then I visualized myself falling and forever tarnished my own image of myself pole dancing. Crash and burn.

When I finally made it to the Promenade - I took this picture. I am making my concentration face. Side note: I am not unhappy. I just have one of those faces that is ultimately unpleasant. That behind me is Manhattan. Below me was the BQE.

I took another picture of myself because I was unsatisfied with that one above. That whole wrinkled forehead nonsense gets on my nerves. So I cut my forehead off. If this was framed - we would call it the 'Vacant Thoughts Sarah.' But no one should ever frame this nonsense.

After I sat and stared for a few minutes, I headed to one of my favorite stores - The Garden of Eden. Thank God I went because I found this...

This is my favorite food. Rugelach. Sugar Free!! I must remember to compose a thank you note. This crap just made my day. Of course tomorrow will be ruined because I will have a sugar-free stomachache. 

After I purchased some overpriced food - I headed home. But look what I stumbled across on my way...

I really wanted to moon this building. But again, it was 92 degrees and I am pretty sure my shorts were stuck to my butt. The whole process would have been botched and virtually ineffective.

Next time.